Year 5 · Diary Entry · WAGOLL
The Night of the Storm
First-person diary entry from a child evacuated during World War 2, written the night they arrive at their billet. Uses first-person past tense, emotional reflection, time markers, modal verbs, and direct rhetorical questions. Meets Year 5 expected standard.
Tuesday, 5th September 1939Date — diaries always include the date at the top.
Dear DiaryDiary address — speaking to the diary as a friend.,Comma after the greeting.
I am writing thisFirst person — diaries always use 'I'. by the small candleSensory detail grounds the reader in the moment. on the bedside table because the family I have been sentPresent perfect passive — shows recent past action. to live with cannot afford to keep the lights on after nine o'clock. My fingers are still cold from the journey. I do not know what to thinkReveals emotion — diary is reflective.. So much has happenedPresent perfect — links past to present. today that I am afraid I will forgetVulnerability — diaries show inner thoughts. half of it by morning, and I want to remember every detail.
We left London at six o'clock in the morningTime anchor — diaries are chronological.. Mother stood on the platform clutching my handSpecific detail — makes the memory feel real. so tightly I thought my fingers would breakHyperbole — captures the emotion.. She had pinned a label to my coat —Dashes mark the parenthesis listing what was on the label. my name, my school, my number —Dashes mark the parenthesis listing what was on the label. as if I were a parcelSimile — captures how dehumanising it felt. being posted to the countryside. Then the whistle blew, and she let go. I do not think I shall ever forgetModal verb 'shall' — formal, adds emphasis. the sound of that whistle.
The train was packed with children, all of us with our cardboard gas masksPeriod detail — anchors in WW2. slung over our shoulders. Some children sangPast tense maintained throughout the diary. to keep cheerful;Semicolon — links two related clauses. others stared silently out of the windowContrast — different children's reactions., watching the city give way to fieldsPresent participle — adds detail.. I sat next to a girl from another school whose name I never learnedRelative clause — adds poignancy.. She cried for the first hour, then fell asleep against the window.
At Aldington HaltCapital letters — proper noun. —Dashes for parenthesis (a tiny station...). a tiny station I had never heard of before today —Dashes for parenthesis (a tiny station...). we were lined up on the platform like soldiersSimile — captures dehumanisation.. The local people walked along the row, choosing children. I felt like a thing being pickedEmotional reflection — diary's purpose.. A woman in a blue coat (I later learned her name was Mrs Brewer)Brackets for parenthesis. stopped in front of me, looked me up and down, and said, "This one will do."Direct speech — captures Mrs Brewer's coldness. That is who I am living with now.Short closing sentence — emotional impact.
All teaching points
- Tuesday, 5th September 1939 Date — diaries always include the date at the top.
- Dear Diary Diary address — speaking to the diary as a friend.
- , Comma after the greeting.
- I am writing this First person — diaries always use 'I'.
- by the small candle Sensory detail grounds the reader in the moment.
- I have been sent Present perfect passive — shows recent past action.
- I do not know what to think Reveals emotion — diary is reflective.
- So much has happened Present perfect — links past to present.
- I am afraid I will forget Vulnerability — diaries show inner thoughts.
- We left London at six o'clock in the morning Time anchor — diaries are chronological.
- Mother stood on the platform clutching my hand Specific detail — makes the memory feel real.
- so tightly I thought my fingers would break Hyperbole — captures the emotion.
- — Dashes mark the parenthesis listing what was on the label.
- as if I were a parcel Simile — captures how dehumanising it felt.
- I shall ever forget Modal verb 'shall' — formal, adds emphasis.
- all of us with our cardboard gas masks Period detail — anchors in WW2.
- ; Semicolon — links two related clauses.
- Some children sang Past tense maintained throughout the diary.
- others stared silently out of the window Contrast — different children's reactions.
- watching the city give way to fields Present participle — adds detail.
- whose name I never learned Relative clause — adds poignancy.
- Aldington Halt Capital letters — proper noun.
- lined up on the platform like soldiers Simile — captures dehumanisation.
- I felt like a thing being picked Emotional reflection — diary's purpose.
- (I later learned her name was Mrs Brewer) Brackets for parenthesis.
- "This one will do." Direct speech — captures Mrs Brewer's coldness.
- That is who I am living with now. Short closing sentence — emotional impact.
- Use a wide range of devices to build cohesion across paragraphs
- Choose the appropriate form and register for the audience and purpose
- Use modal verbs
- Use brackets, dashes or commas to indicate parenthesis
- Use the perfect form of verbs to mark relationships of time and cause
Show the clean version first — read it together as a class. Then toggle Show annotations to reveal the teaching points. Discuss what makes the text work. Children can attempt their own version of the same text type, then return to this annotated model when they revise.